They say you live and you learn from the day to day things that happen in your life. I say I must be learning a lot when it comes to my love life because I tend to always go through it. You ever date someone who you thought could be the one, but, they didn’t think that you were the one, soooo, they played dead instead and ghosted you? Then you have the other one who thinks the world of you, but, unfortunately, you’re not so sure of them either, because of their unwillingness to tell you the real deal regarding their feelings? One exudes more confidence than an ugly man tryna holla at you in the club and the other one seems too afraid to really tell you how he feels about you. See, confidence doesn’t seem to high here.
Like I’m a Taurus, (and I’m not saying that has anything to do with anything buuuttt) I don’t want to feel as if I can push over any individual or have anyone try and manipulate me. I need to feel the same confidence or energy that I am bringing to the table from that other person. You know someone who can match my positive vibes. I, also, need to feel or know a person’s intentions from the get go. I don’t want any kind of questions going through my head about what someone is trying to do to me. Like do you love me or nah? Are we a couple? Yes or no? It’s just that simple with me. I like the simple things in life. Not the complications or the drama. And dammit keep those situationships Over. Damn. There.
Anyways, I feel like in this day and age, and you can correct me if I’m wrong, but these days it seems that some men expect women to do all of this chasing. Well, I’m sorry to say this, but, if you expect me to chase you… alone…then you may as well know that I will be walking. Cuz, I ain’t chasin nobody. Matter of fact, you might wanna be sure to look back from time to time to make sure my tail didn’t go back in the house.
When it comes to me and relationships, I feel like there should be some kind of mutual attraction to one another, which means, we are both pursuing each other. Not this unrequited love mess. Take me back to the old school days, any day, when you used to play Mash and write notes…Like, I like you; do you like me? But in the grown up kinda way. Not this, Imma just send you mixed signals and stuff to have you all messed up in your head. Talking about, “Does he like me? Are we even together? Why is he even here?” See, just confused.
Basically, that, in my opinion, is how someone, like me, ends up thinking that the other person is just not interested in me and/or they are just here to play games.
So, back to the reason for my story. Y’all, why did my past decide to make a grand entrance the other day? He came back like Eddie Cane Junior did on the movie The Five Heartbeats…singing… nights like this, I wish…(Emmm hmmm you know the rest. If you don’t, then watch the movie) It started with one measly text.
Yeah, the dead has arisen. When I saw Casper’s text on my birthday and then again on the next day, I just knew it was gone be some mess. Now, I knew that when I saw his text I should have responded with a, “Nah, homeboy, not today!” But, I admit it, I was curious to know why he was even back so I engaged in the conversation. Alright, now, you judgemental people, go ahead and throw your stones. I’ll take it. I know it was dumb of me to talk back to him, but, you how it is when you feel that this time your eyes are wide open. Yeah, like now we are playing chess and I can see the board clearly. Now, trust and believe, that he is still at a distance with me, but in the distant kind of way where he is talkin to me as if there was a door there with the latch still on it. Yeah, that kinda distance. I guess you could say that I always knew that he was bound to pop back up in my life some kinda way, but dangit, doesn’t the past always know when to show up just when you are getting good and forgetful? I mean, I was just getting adjusted to his absence.
So, here is what I got to read (and forgive me now because I will be adding verbiage)
Life is short so I’m just going to say it. I miss you…
(oh, Lawwwd, y’all it’s been about 8 months since I heard from this man…I personally thought that he had deleted my number. Ok, continue on…) I hope you have been doing well. I just wanted you to know that I will always love me some you? Never want you to believe or think different. I value you, I adore you and I miss your smile.
(Is that how we treat grown folks these days that we “value” and “adore”? Is that what we are doing now? I’m just saying…teach me something new here.) Okay, Imma stop right here? There was more to this note, but, I’m just not gonna entertain all of that. Just know I kept it light and simple from there. Guard is up!
People, you’re gonna have to explain this one to me. Why do some people act as if we are on the playground? We are too grown to be playing like we are on the monkey bars with folks. You just can’t swing over here and then swing back when the options are no longer there. Someone please give me the top 5 reasons why you think people go/come back. I’m taking notes with pen and pad in hand.
I mean, after 8 months or so of not speaking to each other, wouldn’t you think that bridge was burned already? See, this is why I remain in my single state. There are just too many people out here not looking for real love, but instead, are playing all kinds of mind games with you. They’re playin, Monopoly, Uno, and Gin Rummy with your heart.
Nope, I’m just not fallin for those lies anymore.
Where are all of the real people in this world who knows what & WHO they want? Throw in some intelligence, goals, and honesty or something and we’re good. Real easy, right? Not today it seems.
Maybe, I need to travel the world like Stella did and just go somewhere to get my groove back…because this here dating world is wearing me out.